Diary 2012
Prime minister?
On Wednesday, the leader of the labour party asked the prime minister if he'd "trashed any restaurants recently", followed by a giggle. He would do well to think on the reasons why Neil Kinnock never became prime minister
16th December 2012
All the young dudes
Let's prepare our definition. Let us agree that three women in their late 80s can be described as old ladies. Bon. I am sitting next to three old ladies taking morning coffee. They are in Switzerland but they are all English. They talk of only two things.
The first is their iPads, which they cannot work. This is sad: not that they cannot work them (which is always going to be the case) but that they own them at all, persuaded by younger, fitter relatives who have sung hymns in praise of Apple. Apple is not a religion (contrary to popular belief). It is a company that makes computers and phones and any combination in between; and like any other computer company it makes products that don't work properly, are difficult to understand and are, at times, contrary beyond all reason. These are not products that should trouble the conversations of old ladies
The second conversation is about the Olympic closing ceremony. "There was nothing there for us." Indeed, there was not. This is more than sad because it is symptomatic of how we, in Britain, treat those who have nursed us, cleaned up after us, guided us and supported us, and then done the same for our children. If you want to make a lot of money in Britain, open a chain of care homes. You will have no shortage of eager fifty somethings queuing up to divest themselves of their now inconvenient parents, before forgetting about them. We would do well to remember John Prine's "Hello in There", the last verse of which reads:
So if you're walking down the street sometime
And spot some hollow ancient eyes,
Please don't just pass 'em by and stare
As if you didn't care, say, "Hello in there, hello."
Did the closing ceremony say "Hello in there"?
Speed of Light
Prole Poetry and Prose have been kind enough to publish The Speed of Light in issue number eight, just released. This actually quite a nice publication, just a couple years old with the editors fully committed to developing it. Subscribe!
14th August 2012
Letter to Sasha
Now that Emily has left, I’m OK. F & I have just got back from a five hour walk and I can focus with both eyes. Under Emily’s influence, however, the experience of any walk is as close to death as it is possible to get without actually being embraced by St Peter. You see the tunnel, you see the white light, you see the footage, mostly consisting of the brilliance of your parenthood, how you nurtured her, and fed her roast potatoes at all the right moments, and then the light recedes and you hear “Dad, are you alright? Dad? If we jog this last bit, we’ll beat our record”. No judge would convict.
Does that answer your question?
Olympic closing ceremony
The athletic performances, and the public face of the athletes, were just so heart-warming (and in such contrast to what we have to look forward to over the winter: foul-mouthed and aggressive footballers cheating both on and off the pitch). The Brits organized it pretty well too. But the ceremonies? I think I have probably misunderstood the purpose of these. If they are to present a view of Britain, then what we see is that Britain is the X-Factor with history. That’s it: we are reduced to a pop culture with some icons tossed in for good measure. If, however, the purpose was to party, then the result was (presumably) a success. Nevertheless, to claim that the closing ceremony was a celebration of 50 years (note: 50, not 10) of British music and not include the Rolling Stones (pissing off Sir Mick) or Cliff Richard (the only UK singer to have had a number one hit in six consecutive decades, and the third biggest selling singles artist in the UK of all time), to name just two from a long list, is bizarre. A more accurate claim would have been: here you are, you amazing athletes, we’ll play you some music you’re likely to have heard of and you all have a good time. As for history, well, they don’t even make it compulsory in schools any longer. British music only 50 years old? I don’t think so
August 12th 2012
Olympic opening ceremony
What a hideous embarrassment and, for the home country, deliberately divisive. If you’ve got the world looking at you for two hours, surely you want to present yourself as somewhere to live, or to visit, or to do business with, not some crap, mediocre country offering the Sex Pistols, for God’s sake, as an example of why Britain is great. James Bond collecting the Queen, Winston Churchill’s statue suddenly springing into life and gurning to the world as she goes overhead and then the Queen jumping out of a helicopter: is that the way to offer up Britain? Or putting in the original of what became the (much better known) London Underground Song ? Or claiming brilliant originality for showing pastoral bliss becoming industrial revolution morphing into modern technology, accompanied by (mostly) dreadfully ordinary pop music and two lost twenty-somethings connecting via a lost mobile phone???? Or making (boring) political points about the NHS? It was like a bad sixth form revue to the extent that (as one Guardian comment put it) you expected Mr Bean to appear at any moment, and then he did! Sir Simon Rattle is a profoundly talented, and interesting, man and there he was reduced to doing a comic turn at the end of Chariots of Fire. There was no inspiration and no vision, and it cost £27 million
Later (for balance)...
My friend in Seattle wrote this:
It went over exceedingly well here. We loved it, actually. This is why:
1. Well-executed
2. Great, uniquely British humour. The Queen's willingness to engage was endearing, and shocking to us. I suppose she's working on her image. I loved the corgis.
3. The nod to the cultural contributions from literature to stage to music and beyond. GB still puts out an astoundingly disproportionate amount of creative goodness to the world!
4. Inclusiveness. From the kids singing round the country to the deaf kids to the 7 unknowns lighting the torch (vs. a celebrity).
5. The NHS. As a HC provider, I found this stunning. Yes, the NHS has huge problems, but at least your country values healthcare as a right. Take that, US! That is something to gloat about (Romney!!)
6. Moments of silence and tributes to devastating events. Thoughtful and respectful. And Winston's appearance, well, WWII had to be included somehow.
7. The end was fantastic. The torch/cauldron was beautifully designed and it was somewhat clever. The finale lights/fireworks were nice.
Yes, the mobile phone skit was written for the young folks. The giant baby was creepy. And it was all a bit too chaotic, even though chaos is an accurate portrayal of daily London.
In the end, I thought it was touching, uniquely British, and showcased British creativity in a terrific contrast to communist China.
Oh, and believe me, London will be showcased over and over throughout the coverage, maybe not as much there, but here it will be one big London commercial!
27th July 2012
Rejection
I got my first publisher's rejection slip today. Should I:
a) become depressed and accept that I'm a crap writer
b) take comfort from the fact that my piece was worthy of rejection
c) find something useful to do with my life
?
Sunshine Boys
The Guardian reviewer liked this. I'm sure it would have been an enjoyable evening. £155 for two tickets (according to the online booking utility), however, was likely to take most of the pleasure out of it! Then I discover, yesterday, that a colloeague and his wife had been given free tickets - a practice (so I'm told) that the theatre uses to "fill the auditorium". Hmmm, I wonder why that is...
June 1st 2012
In Basildon
This play, currently at the Royal Court, is extremely funny until the last act. We are then presented with a completely pointless flashback, which is utterly anti-climactic. I find it difficult to believe that there wasn't an editor, or director, somewhere, insisting that the last act be removed
March 1st 2012